How To Install A Your Existing Toilet, and Never Want To Crap Outside Your House Again

Installing a bidet is so easy, even I was able to do it!

    The first time I was ever in Japan I came across this strange toilet bowl, it had buttons, and gizmos, and when I figured out how to work it, it shot a jet stream of water up at my you know what! At first, I thought, these Japanese are insane, this is too odd, but then after one of the cleanest wipes in my life, I realized that the bidet is the coolest thing to happen to the toilet since we moved them inside from the outside shed "out house". When I first bought my home I immediately wanted to look into knocking out the existing toilets for Japanese toilets, but I couldn't find them for under $500, fortunately I found the key word, bidet. It sounds like a French cheese, would you like some bread and bidet as an appetizer? But it's actually a device that squirts water at your ass to make taking a dump a clean and better experience. I was even more excited to find this company builds the bidets, that attach to most existing toilet bowls!

    Luxe is my opinion is the top of the game in bidet's. I recommend the one above which also has a hot water attachment, in the winter you won't want the cold stream cleaning you, trust me. That one also has a "hygienic nozzle guard", they should really call it a piss guard, it prevents people from urinating on the faucets that will clean your bum. I bought two from them that didn't work in the early testing phases and they replaced not only free of charge but also upgraded me to the neo series you see above. Ok the instruction manual is pretty straight forward  I've installed so many of these for my friends I am now a self proclaimed expert! Here's some tips/trouble shooting...

• If you have followed the instruction to the T, and are having leaking issues which will be the most common issue, here's some ideas, first unscrew it and use Teflon tape (below), make sure you wrap the tape in the same direction as the threads. If it is still leaking, I would seriously consider another bidet, I tried a few, the metal connections are much better, if you have plastic connections they will tend to leak, if you don't want to buy another one, your other solution is gorilla glue, it will harden as it blends with water, so turn off your toilet and apply  the gorilla glue to the already wet surface connections because it has been leaking. DO NOT apply gorilla glue (below) to any of the existing parts of the toilets, the connections for a toilet are $10 to $20 tops, a new toilet base/tank is a lot more.
• If after these measures it is still leaking you can try to tighten it more, it should be very tight, but you shouldn't need the force of God to seal it from leaking. You may also need existing washers to be changed if they are older.
• To attach the hot water plug, you may need to drill a small hole into your sink cabinet, don't worry it's easy and worth it! If you live in an apartment you may need to cleverly re-route the hot tubing, or just risk the security deposit.
• Turn it on for the first time, slowly.... Depending on your water pressure in your lines you may not want that baby at full power unless you enjoy the feeling of an enema.
• For times when you want the hot water, I recommend turning on the "Self cleaning function" for a few seconds (however long it normally takes for your water to get hotter), the lines will then be primed to give you the right amount of heat, and of course start on the cold end so you don't burn yourself!
• You can also go between the setting of wash/female to create less of a jet stream and more of a spray. On some bidet's if you simultaneously hit the self cleaning function this creates the same spray.

    One final warning if you buy this bidet.... Taking a dump outside your throne will never be the same again, you are going to save tons of money on toilet paper, and won't have to feel gross and like you need to take a shower after every visit to the toilet. I grew up mostly in studio apartments and remember the days of Brooklyn where my toilet was so weak you could only flush one piece of crap or one piece of toilet paper. It's nice to have a full service bidet/Japanese style toilet now and to be able to go code brown in piece. This is the one I use:

Here's the demo video from youtube:

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